#Stick em up stand up comedy movie
The Movie is something a fungal colony would make if it was pretending to be its movie director habitat. Seriously, though they don’t sit through a slightly fartier Porky’s knockoff and tell their readers it’s like falling in love.į.A.R.T. The Movie? They ask their God for permission to fuck you up, and He always says yes. Do you know what a Christian website tells you when you ask them to review F.A.R.T. Still, I’m guessing from the way they didn’t spell Shoreline Times correctly and the fact that GoodNewsBroadcast was a Christian website, these aren’t perfectly accurate. Online media in the year 2000 was just a place where confused people lit money on fire. I couldn’t find either of those film reviews, but that doesn’t mean anything. It’s worth looking at these pull quotes too: So by stinky butthole standards, he is the principal star. Then again, that’s how I would describe the farts in this F.A.R.T. The second one can’t act and he’s spliced awkwardly into the movie every twenty minutes to have no effect on anything. That might be because those Farley Brothers are Chris Farley’s brother, Kevin, who you may have seen in a couple things, and Chris Farley’s other brother you didn’t know he had. Does that say… IN?” You may have also noticed at the top of the box they listed three actors you’ve never heard of rather than the world famous Farley Brothers. You might have thought, “Oh, this was directed by the Farrelly Brothers? How have I not hea– wait, did they spell their name wrong? Hold the fuck on. Really, stop here and focus on each detail. The tiny betrayals here hit you in waves, and I don’t want to steal that experience from you, so please take it in before I make any comments on it. You might have already noticed something suspicious about it: Now I want to talk about the far less honest box of the other F.A.R.T. The Movie‘s box: they think a half hour of farts alone is enough for a film, and they’re wrong about a lot of things. “Russell loves to FART! But his wife hates FARTING! It’s the eternal triangle-90’s style, which is not a real turn of phrase or where you put that apostrophe.” Two things are made clear by F.A.R.T. It’s like it’s trying to explain bad comedy to a baby. From the copy to the screenshots you can tell this thing looks like shit and was hacked together by someone with no sense of humor other than the one built into every human asshole. In many ways it’s the most honest a VHS box can be. I’ll talk more about Drew’s contribution later, but first let me show you the back of the box: A fart-mad lunatic knew there should be a movie about butt smells but had no other artistic inspiration other than “maybe someone who reads magazines could write it.” It’s incredible, both that he bothered to try and how badly it came together. The zany sketch one listed renowned film expert, Drew McWeeny, in the writing credits and I know him on Twitter, so I immediately sent him this:ĭo you know what this means? It means F.A.R.T. The Movie barely remember anything about it, and that’s not a joke. Let’s get started.įirst impressions are vital because that’s all a F.A.R.T. Speaking of acronyms, both F.A.R.T.s The Movies will be judged using the fart comedy film industry standard of F.A.R.T., explained below (illustration courtesy of searching for “farting butt clipart”): The Movie in the last sentence, and in neither movie does the acronym F.A.R.T. Which reminds me, this is going to get confusing. If you took out the farts from both films, they would both be called The Movie, but one would be 99% of a fartless romantic comedy and one would be a sucking hole in the walls of our reality. The Movie is an inept college sex comedy with seven or eight farts unrelated to the plot. The Movie is a 30 minute collection of frantic, unfinished fart sketches. Behold, doomed readers… F.A.R.T.s The Movies:į.A.R.T. In 2000 someone else made a movie called F.A.R.T. In 1991 someone made a movie called F.A.R.T. “The universe isn’t irreparably corrupted by darkness,” you say.
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